My Genius Husband

This last week has been absolutely NUTS!  Mostly thanks to my genius husband.....

He's wasn't winking at the camera!  His eye was swollen shut!  It was kind of blue and purple too, but since his skin is so dark it doesn't really show up on camera.

Tuesday at work they called me to the office over the intercom.  The secretary told me that my mom was at the hospital with my husband and that I needed to call them.  Duh, I needed to call them!  So I call my mom, I can here Cangrejo MOANING in the background and all I really understood was that he drove the 4-wheeler to my mom's work and he crashed and they were in the emergency room.  Fantastic.

So I get to the hospital and his face is all bloody and his eye is GINORMOUS and he keeps mumbling about how it hurts and he keeps asking me for Isabel.

This is what happened:  He had the day off from work and he got bored so he thought it would be a good idea to go on a 4-wheeler ride.  (Now let me make this clear...our 4-wheeler isn't like one of those little, light, sporty ones that are made for like sand dunes, and trick riding, and stuff like that.  It's a Honda 4x4 Rancher, so it's really heavy duty.  Heavy duty like, my dad uses it to haul dead animals out of the mountains and to plow sometimes up to 5 feet of snow.)  Turns out, it wasn't such a fabulous idea!  He was going up a hill of dirt and the wheeler didn't make it and flipped backwards on top of him (not wearing a helmet).  One side of the handlebars hit him in the eye and the other side hit him in the chest causing the handlebar to BEND IN HALF.  He said he thinks he passed out for a few minutes and when he woke up there was blood GUSHING OUT OF HIS FACE!  He couldn't see out of one eye so OBVIOUSLY he starts freaking out because he thinks that his eye has fallen out of his head.  So thank goodness for adrenaline he somehow flips the 4-wheeler back over and drives it about a mile back to the house.  He tries calling me and my mom on our cell phones and neither one of us answer.  He went to my aunt's house next door and no one was home, so what does he do?  He gets BACK ON THE 4-WHEELER AND DRIVES 2 MILES TO MY MOM'S WORK.  He had to go on the highway to get there.  So he gets to my mom's work (she works at an elementary school) but he couldn't remember what room she was in.  His English is no bueno, but he goes to the office and asked for my mom by name.  So the secretary (who is a really scary lady) called to my mom's room and told her to come to the office.  Picture this: Hispanic man, one eye swollen shut, clothing torn, blood all over his face, can't really speak English, and this lady gets an attitude with him asking "How exactly do you know her?  Why do you need to talk to her?"  My mom gets to the office and he hugs her.  My mom tells her that he's her son-in-law and the lady suddenly changes her attitude, "Oh, would you like me to call 911?"  Uhh.....no thanks.

So my mom took him to the hospital, they got hold of me, and I got there.

They came to get him for a CT scan and x-rays of his chest.  Want to know something really funny?  I can only share this because 1-he doesn't read my blog and 2-even if he did he couldn't understand it anyways.  They injected him with some liquid when they did the CT scan.  The nurse explained to him that he would get a sensation like jumping into a jacuzzi and that it might feel like he wet his pants, but not to worry, because he wouldn't.  So they injected and he told me that his body was getting really warm and then all of a sudden he exclaims "AY! MIS HUEVOS!"  Which roughly translates to "OH! MY BALLS!"  I would have completely lost it at this point, but he was genuinely freaking out so I had to just try to calm him down.  I'm cracking up now just thinking about it.  SO we were there a while longer while the looked at the CT scan and then they sent us home with a pain prescription and an antibiotic (because he hadn't had a tetanus shot in like 8 years).  

Now get this, we had been home for TWO HOURS and the hospital called to inform us that they FORGOT to take x-rays of his chest and we needed to go back right away.  He had a CHEST CONTUSION and they FORGOT to take an X-RAY of his CHEST.  So we took him back to the freakin hospital and they took x-rays of his chest.  Says there's nothing wrong (thank goodness) and not to be alarmed if he coughs up blood for a few days (which he did.)

Thursday we went to a PLASTIC SURGEON (OMG I never thought I would go to talk to a plastic surgeon about anything).  Here's the low down.  Usually, you break the bone that's under your eye.  My talented husband broke the bone that's in between his eye socket and his nasal cavity and the muscle that moves his eye is in the place where the bone is supposed to be.  Fabulous.  If they operated they could do damage to other muscles and his eyelids could go all droopy SO we're hoping it will heal itself up.  Until then, we have to go back to the plastic surgeon once a week to check on progress and he's out of work for a while because he can't get dust in his eye or do to much heavy lifting.  Hey, doctor, this shit is gonna be expensive!  So yesterday I gave my 2 weeks notice :(  As bad as I don't want to be a temp and work in a factory, I'll be making more than double what I'm making now.  Poop.  At least he'll be home and I won't have to pay a babysitter :)

Spanish Friday

I decided to participate in Spanish Friday over at Latinaish today!  I know yesterday I said I would vlog, but then I didn't put any make-up on today, and I didn't feel like broadcasting my plain old face.  HOWEVER, I did upload some pictures for you.  (Not of me.)

Cuando me casè con este Salvadoreño guapo tambien me casè con una cultura maravillosa.  Una cultura en que la gente me acceptan con los brazos abiertos y una plata llena de comida rica!

When I married this good-looking Salvadoran, I also married into a marvelous culture.  A culture in which the people accept me with open arms and a plate full of good food!

Hablando de comida, hoy fui con mi esposo a la unica pupuseria cerca de donde vivimos.  El otro dìa yo tratè de hacer pupusas para el y salieron algo mal.  Cuando uno va allà te hacen sentir como parte de la familia entonces me siento mal educada cuando no quito mi propio plato de la mesa.  Tienen ''En dios confiamos'' pintado en una de las paredes.  Los dueños del restaurante son una pareja bien amable.  El señor pica las verduras y lava los platos y la señora prepara toda la comida ella sola.  Parece que tienen unos setenta años pero allì estan trabajando juntos todos los dìas.

Speaking of food, today I went with my husband to the only 'pupuseria' near where we live.  The other day I tried to make pupusas for him, and they came out kind of bad.  When you go there they always make you feel like part of the family, and so I feel like I have bad manners when I don't clear my plate from the table.  They have ''En dios confiamos" (In God we trust) painted on one of the walls.  The owners of the restaurant are a very friendly couple.  The man cuts vegetables and washes dishes and the lady prepares all of the food by herself.  I think they're about seventy years old (maybe older...) but there they are, working together, every day.

Photo time!

This post came out longer than expected.  I probably should have split it into 2 posts, but I'm feeling abnoxious sooo.......here we go.

So I realize I never posted anything about Jenny's quinceñera.....probably because like, 3 days after we took of for Colorado and then ended up in Texas for a while.  SO I don't really feel like writing a bunch about something that happened so long ago, but I'm going to post some pictures because, um, hi, we looked fabulous.

My beautiful babies ♥

I realize I'm standing funny but, like I said, fabulous. . . . .except for the weird tan lines.

This is Jenny's brother and Cangrejo's friend from El Salvador..........okay, and my ex, but we won't get into that today.

Sha-zam!

Last week we drove 3 hours to go to a family picnic with my grama at the assisted living place that she lives at.  We took pictures.

Due to the attractiveness of this photo, I've decided to take up cigar smoking.  Or even just letting an unlit one hanging out of my mouth.  I think it will be cheaper that way.

And then Isabel started being all sorts of adorable.

And playing peek-a-boo.

And some other cute stuff.

And some more.

Awww hugging her daddy ♥

And they fell asleep on the way home :)

Big smiles :)

Oh, and my dad gave Cangrejo Twizzler titties when he fell asleep hahaha.

Adventures in a Far Away Land. . . . .or Texas

I thought I would give everyone a heads up.  I'M NOT DEAD.  We made it to Colorado.....and then we left.  We went to Houston, Texas.....we left there too.  Now we're in Dallas, and I've having a great time.  In a couple days, we're headed home to Utah.  Why?  Because people that were supposed to take care of stuff didn't hold up their end of the deal, in Colorado AND Houston.  Also because I almost killed my cuñado and his girlfriend because they have officially moved to the top of my shit list.

So now we're in Dallas.  Cangrejo has a friend from El Salvador that lives here with her husband and his parents and they have a son that's 2 weeks older than Isabel.  We've been here for almost 2 days, and they keep convincing us to stay longer.  I think we'll be headed for home Monday morning.  They're pretty much some of THE NICEST people I've ever met, and what started as a really crappy ordeal will end up being probably my favorite vacation so far.  Saturday we're going to the lake and I'm SO looking forward to that.

More to come, sometime.  A lot has happened in the last week.  So peace out, for now.

For Real This Time!

So, after several months of zero progress in my whole weight loss crap, I'm finally bucking down and forcing myself to do it.  It's hard, and I'm hungry.  It's not like I'm starving myself either.  I've made a profile on MyFitnessPal and it's GREAT.  It helps me keep track of not just my calorie intake, but also carbs, fat, and protein, and my daily exercise with the approximate amount of calories burned.  I can also keep track of how much water I drink daily and chat with other people that are using the site.  I think I finally found something that can work for me!!!

The only problem I'm facing. . . . .is my husband.  I don't really understand why, and I probably never will, but Hispanic men (most of them anyways) DO NOT CARE if their wife is a Fatty McFatterson, and he thinks that I'm starving myself.  I was getting a little hungry about an hour ago and said I would just sip on some water, because I hadn't had enough today anyways.  He insisted I eat something.  I still had some calories/carbs/protein/fat left for today, so I decided I would have a slice of bread with some jam.

He didn't see me eat it.

5 minutes later he came to see if I ate it, and then continued to check underneath the couch cushions and under the chair to see if I had hidden it instead of eating it.  I finally convinced him that I DID eat it and he left me alone, muttering to himself that I should have at least had a bowl of cereal or something.  OH WELL.  I'll work around him somehow. . . . .


Another feature on the website is a Body Mass Index calculator.  I know that that isn't 100% accurate, but I think it can give you a pretty good general idea of where you stand.

I think the formula is like, height times weight divided by 2 or something like that, but anyway, this is the key:

Underweight-18.5 or less
Healthy-18.5-25.0
Over-25.0-30.0
Obese-30.0 or more

I score a 30.3, and I was generous with my height.  Yeah.  Call me Mrs. McFatterson.  My target weight range is 104.4-141.1.  While I think 104 lbs is REALLY low for my body shape, somewhere in between those 2 weights would be AMAZING.  My goal is 125, which will be 31 lbs lost, and if I make it, Mama is treating herself to a nice big shopping spree, because my fat pants are gonna be a little baggy.

Here's my ticker :)  I'm only going to update my weight every 1 or 2 weeks, so I'll have that stuff coming on Weight Loss Mondays.

P.S.  I learned how to do a Fishtail braid today, and I'm really excited.  I just had to tell you.

Foto Friday

I've had lots of blogging material lately and I haven't been able to get much of it up, which disappoints me.  We went camping this week and so I've got some good stuff from that, including the two little girls from the campground that took over the bathroom, but that's for another day.  Hopefully tomorrow.  So seeing as there's 36 minutes left of Friday where I'm at, I'm declaring today Foto Friday and I'm going to include just a few of my favorite pics from my phone over the last week (or two).

Isabel loves helping unload the dishwasher.

When we went camping we barely had enough room for everything.  Isabel was crammed in the backseat with a bunch of other stuff.  We need a bigger vehicle.

We took this at the rest stop that overlooks Bear Lake.  It's GORGEOUS there FYI.  We didn't take very many pictures with my phone because we went ghetto and got a couple disposable cameras.  I'll see what I can do to get those up when we have the money to get them developed.....which might be never.

Have I ever mentioned how much I love this little girl's smile?  She went home early from camping because she refused to sleep in the tent, so my mom met us and took her home with her.  I cried that night because I felt bad for sending her home, so her smile was just that much better today.

This is her squinty eyed smile that she does when people laugh at her and give her lots of attention.  She milks it for all it's worth.

I made this :) My friends little girl turned 6 so I made this for her gift.  She can hang it on the wall and put hair clips or pictures on it or whatever.  She loved it.  I got an iRock thing that's kind of like a bedazzler only better and handheld, so I put the C on it because her name is Celeste.  I've made one before this one and I'm thinking about selling them, but I get bored really fast and I'm not sure I could make them for an extended amount of time.

Cangrejo, Isabel, and I went to the only pupuseria in the valley for some pupusas (YUM) the other day and I took a picture of this.  'En Dios Confiamos' translates into 'In God We Trust'.  It's painted in blue and white, the same colors as the Salvadoran flag.  Awesome?  I think so.  So many people say that if you come here from another country that you should abandon your culture and adapt to the American way of life.  While I don't really agree with that.....at all....., I think that this is a good representation of holding on to where you come from and at the same time grasping something that means so much to the country that you are now a part of.

If only everyone could be this awesome.....

Remember when I mentioned that not real Mexican food Mexican restaurant where I used to work???  And then I mentioned my freaking awesome manager?  (Who by the way was supposed to start guest posting every once in a while.....)  Well said restaurant has a new owner and things aren't really going that well for people that have worked there for, oh, about 7 years, like my buddy Megan.  And it's pretty crappy for everyone else, or so I've heard.  ANYWAY, long story short, Megan is moving back to her homeland of Californ-i-a.  Poop.  Ladies and gentlemen, this is crappy.  However, we're taking advantage of the time that she has left (wow, it sounds like she's going to die.)  About a week ago we went to eat at Chili's and then to see the Green Lantern in 3D.  This is just some of the awesomeness that ensued.  I can't actually show you all of the pictures, because their a little bit incriminating.  Enjoy.

We're upside down visor cool.

Meggy-Poo.  It fits, right?

Just rockin' out to the Beib.

Megan always makes fun of people that take pictures of themselves in the bathroom mirror.  So we did.

How could you not want to go to the movies with us???  I'm pretty sure the guy that was sitting in front of us (by himself) was jealous.

Wow.  Or maybe not.

Ummm. . . . . .I don't really know what happened here.

This is the traditional foot picture.  My legs are the really white ones.

Next Tuesday we're going to "LAGOON!!! It's what fun is!"  It'll be kind of our last Hoorah as a team, so I'm sure I'll have some pretty awesome pictures to show you.  I know you're all just waiting at the edge of your seats for it.  So, stay tuned.

Oh, AND!  Cangrejo and I are going to be padrinos de musica* for a girl's quinceñera**, and I'm sewing myself a dress that's going to be FAB-U-LOUS.  I hope.  So wish me luck.

*Padrinos de musica means that we're helping pay for the band that's going to be playing at the party, and that counts as our gift to her.  Hispanics get padrinos for all their big parties.  Some help pay for decorations, some for music, some for food, whatever you need for your wedding, quince, birthday party, or whatever, you can find someone to help pay for it.  And all you have to do for them?  Is list their name on a piece of paper that you send with the invitation saying thank you and then you give them a second of recognition at the party.  Am I freaking psyched that my name is first on the list under music?  Um, YEAH!  Am I super excited for my 5 seconds of recognition in front of all the guests?(Probably around 250-300 people) OF COURSE!!!

**I think I've explained before that a quinceñera is when a Latina turns 15 and they have a big party for her (kind of like a cotillion).  Seriously, a huge party.  Some people use their life savings to pay for their daughter's 15.  They'll usually have a presentation or ceremony of some sort in whatever church they attend, followed by a HUGE comida (dinner), and then a great big dance afterwards with either a band or a DJ.